More beautiful you!

I want to share with you a song that still gets me whenever I play it - or rather it comes in my iPod when on shuffle! from the first time i heard it the lyrics hit home and I could relate to a lot of them.  The song is called "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz

"Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but He's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And He'll treat you like the jewel you areThere could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
But the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be a more beautiful you"

To God we are all beautiful, he sees past the scars, the shame, our past He sees who he made. When your stuck in a dark place and you cant see beauty in anything when your mind is clouded with lies and you've been deceived by the 'disguises', its Never too late to be who you really are. You true beauty is not found in what you like like, what you wear or what you do its who you are inside! 

Happy Tears. Grateful Heart!

Not sure where to start with this Blog today, its been a bit of a roller-coaster week. I have so much that I want to get out yet so much that's just for me ( without that sounding selfish.) I love how God uses other people's journeys and testimonies to encourage me on my journey. This week I had to revisit a few things and actually close the door to them ( and make sure it was locked!) I know that the enemy tries to make you think that you haven't dealt with something, he will bring things up that were really hard for you, or that you thought you had surrender to God already and make you think you are back to struggling etc. But you know What the enemy is the father of Lies he is the meaning of deception. He will do everything to deceive you, to try to rob you of your victories. But there are also times where you may have given it to God but then you picked it right back up again ( even without realising it) and you need to stop and let it go properly. 

I had the privilege of attending a Celebration Dinner this weekend called Make A Way, in aid of Mercy Ministries UK. I along with many other former residents had the opportunity to thank the people who had once made a way for us to enter the program. Complete strangers who had been willing to give to the work of Mercy without even knowing the girls who would enter the program ( well most of them wouldn't know.)  A Year or so ago I would have argued with you as to why someone would be willing to actually give to help ME! I couldn't understand why they strangers would want to help me and not even know me! three days into my Mercy journey last year they had an open day to raise money and also officially open there new extension - i was still adjusting to being there. But that day I couldn't make sense of, i didn't understand why people would do it. This was me! And they didn't even know me ( and the other girls in the program!) 
At the Make A Way evening we were able to say Thank you to the supporters, treasure builders and staff who were there - and most of all to God! I was overwhelmed ( happily) by it all as we stood and declared that They had made a way and That Jesus was the reason for my Freedom! standing on the stage with around 30 other former residents we all praised God and thanked the people in the room, each one of us had our own story yet were stood there because there were people in that room who had been able to make that way possible! There were lots of HAPPY tears on that stage, REAL smiles and GRATEFUL hearts. You may not understand the power that was in that room right then, God's presence was amazing. It was a simple song being sung but WOW it was powerful because everyone one of us meant it! 
The song was Here In My Life by Hillsong :
I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I'll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep
And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life
And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

Today I sort of get why someone would be willing to give to be able to Make A Way, it still surprises me though and i still find myself questioning 'why' at times. But they see the heart of Mercy they see that each girl who applies to the program deserves to be able to get the help they desperately need - they deserve to walk in freedom, to feel the love of their daddy, to know the truth that they are Loved - Precious-Worth it  ( and so much more) They want to help girls break free from their chains even if they don't know them, to give them a chance! They want to MAKE A WAY for God to be able to Heal the broken hearts, to Restore HOPE and to TRANSFORM LIVES! God doesn't need people's money he can do it without - however He knows that some girls need that SAFE LOVING environment to be able to grow and allow him to work in their hearts! 
I know that without Mercy I would not be sat here writing this today!  God reminded me of how far I had come, of how much has been done in my life - yes I still have times where i struggle with things BUT I AM NOT WHERE I WAS!!!  I left the event with my head buzzing with things, really emotional yet with Happy tears and a Grateful heart! Often at events like that you have raffles, auctions etc. but that wasn't needed at all! The simple yet powerful action of residents being on stage thanking and praising God brought tears and Praise - That was all that was needed! Every single girl there was not ashamed of where she had come from, she wasn't ashamed of being a 'Mercy Girl' because it brought her to where she is today. Our scars weren't hidden under baggy sleeves,  we weren't afraid of someone judging them because we knew that we were seen for who we are now and not where  we had come from! The scars are part of our story and we have no need to hide them any more!
I am so Grateful to every single person who made that way Possible, from the people who pray for Mercy, who provide financially and for each and every staff member. I am so Thankful that I was given that chance, a LIFELINE, now I am offering that lifeline to other girls who I know. I am sowing seeds in other people because the seed that was planted in me years ago blossomed into a flower! 
There is so much more I could write about that evening but I'm still processing lots of things from the event and the week leading up to it so there may be more. God's pretty amazing! Well Done to everyone who played a part in the evening, setting up organising it and just being there! To EVERY former resident who was there be Proud of yourselves Each and everyone one of you are amazing, was good to meet you all too ( the ones who I didn't know that is) and to Girls who I shared my Mercy journey with Keep going you are all doing awesome! 

STOP, PRAY and LISTEN!

You know those times when you just constantly feel challenged by things - people - events - songs! Yeah its been like that for me the last couple of weeks  (well this last month really!)  I have been trying to work out what my 'what next' is - the first issue here being me 'TRYING TO WORK IT OUT!' Where I'm supposed to go, what I'm meant to be doing. Yet every time time I got somewhere or found something and thought OK so maybe that's it, I've gone to fill forms in application etc. and its brought with it an overwhelming feeling of this isn't right, I haven't felt peace with it, and a few times I've heard God say to me -Stop this isn't for you! Not yet - and the odd time -WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! ( yes God literally is that straight forward with me!)  As you can possibly imagine I started to get a little bit stressy, I got frustrated with God, all I could see was me getting annoyed with not having things to do, with wanting to be doing things yet having nothing to do! Second issue here - NOT ASKING THE NEXT QUESTIONS! I wasn't asking God what was for me then, what do YOU want me doing, where do YOU want me etc.. I wasn't allowing myself to trust that there was something God wanted me to do. Third issue - NOT TRUSTING GOD HAD CONTROL! 

See me and God have this relationship where if I try and ignore what he is saying directly to me, he uses those people around me and if I still somehow manage to miss/ignore it then he uses other things, music, teachings, random articles on-line and other obvious things.  But it comes down to whether or not I actually CHOOSE to LISTEN to what he is saying to me and then CHOOSE whether I will act on it ( or not.)  Unfortunately on this occasion I have tried to work it out myself, I didn't trust what God was trying to say to me, I didn't trust that it was actually God, and if it was it wasn't right - he had got it wrong!!  AND YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT! 

However I was reminded recently about a few things - one of which was a 'response' that I used to give to girls who asked me 'advice' or just general questions while I was at Mercy - one that nearly every girl at my graduation spoke about and mentioned that I had said to them - STOP, PRAY AND LISTEN TO WHAT GOD IS SAYING TO YOU! So that's what I did ( eventually) I stopped, I prayed and I ACTUALLY listened to what God was trying to say to me. The thing that I had felt in my heart, yet chose to ignore because I didn't believe that was what I was supposed to be doing, was actually what God wanted me to do! It doesn't make much sense, and some people may think its me being lazy but It's time for me to stop and look after me, to take time out to grow and strengthen the relationship I have with God. To strengthen my 'vulnerable' walls. It is also time for me to take that step of faith and to share the amazing things God has done in my life with others. My testimony/life is not just for me any more, it could be the lifeline that somebody needs to hear, the drop of hope into someones hopelessness, the word that someone has been waiting for. I don't know who needs to hear it or what exactly needs to be heard but I DO KNOW that GOD will use it. I know that God gave me the gift of being an encourager to others and that's what I'm going to do. I know that God wants me to take time for just me and him, before i step into whatever he has for me just around the next corner. I have to TRUST that God is in control, that he sees he bigger picture. God has an amazing plan for my life and he knows how to get me there too.

 Doing 'nothing' may seem like I'm being lazy and other people may have an issue with it - but actually me 'doing nothing' is not being lazy at all - and in actual fact its taking a huge amount of prayer and effort for me to step into this next season. And I wont completely be doing nothing I have things to do, things I'm still involved in, serving others but at the end of the day what others think doesn't matter any more because its between me and God. I know that God wants me to start preaching at church - a huge step for me, and something I have been 'putting off' for most of the year ( but that's another post in itself!)  And I know that there are things God wants me to do in my future, some of which he has shown me others he will when its the right time but for now I'm ready to step into what God has for me now - and am excited to see what comes from it and where God takes me! 

SO Have you stopped, prayed and actually Listened recently! You never know you may hear something different!