More beautiful you!

I want to share with you a song that still gets me whenever I play it - or rather it comes in my iPod when on shuffle! from the first time i heard it the lyrics hit home and I could relate to a lot of them.  The song is called "More Beautiful You" by Johnny Diaz

"Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight, her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight
Well, little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care, your skin, your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but He's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead
Well, little girl twenty one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And He'll treat you like the jewel you areThere could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you, more beautiful you

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away
But the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be a more beautiful you"

To God we are all beautiful, he sees past the scars, the shame, our past He sees who he made. When your stuck in a dark place and you cant see beauty in anything when your mind is clouded with lies and you've been deceived by the 'disguises', its Never too late to be who you really are. You true beauty is not found in what you like like, what you wear or what you do its who you are inside! 

Happy Tears. Grateful Heart!

Not sure where to start with this Blog today, its been a bit of a roller-coaster week. I have so much that I want to get out yet so much that's just for me ( without that sounding selfish.) I love how God uses other people's journeys and testimonies to encourage me on my journey. This week I had to revisit a few things and actually close the door to them ( and make sure it was locked!) I know that the enemy tries to make you think that you haven't dealt with something, he will bring things up that were really hard for you, or that you thought you had surrender to God already and make you think you are back to struggling etc. But you know What the enemy is the father of Lies he is the meaning of deception. He will do everything to deceive you, to try to rob you of your victories. But there are also times where you may have given it to God but then you picked it right back up again ( even without realising it) and you need to stop and let it go properly. 

I had the privilege of attending a Celebration Dinner this weekend called Make A Way, in aid of Mercy Ministries UK. I along with many other former residents had the opportunity to thank the people who had once made a way for us to enter the program. Complete strangers who had been willing to give to the work of Mercy without even knowing the girls who would enter the program ( well most of them wouldn't know.)  A Year or so ago I would have argued with you as to why someone would be willing to actually give to help ME! I couldn't understand why they strangers would want to help me and not even know me! three days into my Mercy journey last year they had an open day to raise money and also officially open there new extension - i was still adjusting to being there. But that day I couldn't make sense of, i didn't understand why people would do it. This was me! And they didn't even know me ( and the other girls in the program!) 
At the Make A Way evening we were able to say Thank you to the supporters, treasure builders and staff who were there - and most of all to God! I was overwhelmed ( happily) by it all as we stood and declared that They had made a way and That Jesus was the reason for my Freedom! standing on the stage with around 30 other former residents we all praised God and thanked the people in the room, each one of us had our own story yet were stood there because there were people in that room who had been able to make that way possible! There were lots of HAPPY tears on that stage, REAL smiles and GRATEFUL hearts. You may not understand the power that was in that room right then, God's presence was amazing. It was a simple song being sung but WOW it was powerful because everyone one of us meant it! 
The song was Here In My Life by Hillsong :
I have never walked on water
Felt the waves beneath my feet but
At your Word Lord, I'll receive Your
Faith to walk on oceans deep
And I remember how You found me:
In that very same place
All my failing surely would've drowned me
But You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

You have said that all the heavens
Sing for joy at one who finds
The way to freedom, truth of Jesus
Bought from death into His life
And I remember how You saw me:
Through the eyes of Your grace
And though the cost was Your beloved for me
Still you made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus you're the reason
I'm kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

Today I sort of get why someone would be willing to give to be able to Make A Way, it still surprises me though and i still find myself questioning 'why' at times. But they see the heart of Mercy they see that each girl who applies to the program deserves to be able to get the help they desperately need - they deserve to walk in freedom, to feel the love of their daddy, to know the truth that they are Loved - Precious-Worth it  ( and so much more) They want to help girls break free from their chains even if they don't know them, to give them a chance! They want to MAKE A WAY for God to be able to Heal the broken hearts, to Restore HOPE and to TRANSFORM LIVES! God doesn't need people's money he can do it without - however He knows that some girls need that SAFE LOVING environment to be able to grow and allow him to work in their hearts! 
I know that without Mercy I would not be sat here writing this today!  God reminded me of how far I had come, of how much has been done in my life - yes I still have times where i struggle with things BUT I AM NOT WHERE I WAS!!!  I left the event with my head buzzing with things, really emotional yet with Happy tears and a Grateful heart! Often at events like that you have raffles, auctions etc. but that wasn't needed at all! The simple yet powerful action of residents being on stage thanking and praising God brought tears and Praise - That was all that was needed! Every single girl there was not ashamed of where she had come from, she wasn't ashamed of being a 'Mercy Girl' because it brought her to where she is today. Our scars weren't hidden under baggy sleeves,  we weren't afraid of someone judging them because we knew that we were seen for who we are now and not where  we had come from! The scars are part of our story and we have no need to hide them any more!
I am so Grateful to every single person who made that way Possible, from the people who pray for Mercy, who provide financially and for each and every staff member. I am so Thankful that I was given that chance, a LIFELINE, now I am offering that lifeline to other girls who I know. I am sowing seeds in other people because the seed that was planted in me years ago blossomed into a flower! 
There is so much more I could write about that evening but I'm still processing lots of things from the event and the week leading up to it so there may be more. God's pretty amazing! Well Done to everyone who played a part in the evening, setting up organising it and just being there! To EVERY former resident who was there be Proud of yourselves Each and everyone one of you are amazing, was good to meet you all too ( the ones who I didn't know that is) and to Girls who I shared my Mercy journey with Keep going you are all doing awesome! 

STOP, PRAY and LISTEN!

You know those times when you just constantly feel challenged by things - people - events - songs! Yeah its been like that for me the last couple of weeks  (well this last month really!)  I have been trying to work out what my 'what next' is - the first issue here being me 'TRYING TO WORK IT OUT!' Where I'm supposed to go, what I'm meant to be doing. Yet every time time I got somewhere or found something and thought OK so maybe that's it, I've gone to fill forms in application etc. and its brought with it an overwhelming feeling of this isn't right, I haven't felt peace with it, and a few times I've heard God say to me -Stop this isn't for you! Not yet - and the odd time -WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! ( yes God literally is that straight forward with me!)  As you can possibly imagine I started to get a little bit stressy, I got frustrated with God, all I could see was me getting annoyed with not having things to do, with wanting to be doing things yet having nothing to do! Second issue here - NOT ASKING THE NEXT QUESTIONS! I wasn't asking God what was for me then, what do YOU want me doing, where do YOU want me etc.. I wasn't allowing myself to trust that there was something God wanted me to do. Third issue - NOT TRUSTING GOD HAD CONTROL! 

See me and God have this relationship where if I try and ignore what he is saying directly to me, he uses those people around me and if I still somehow manage to miss/ignore it then he uses other things, music, teachings, random articles on-line and other obvious things.  But it comes down to whether or not I actually CHOOSE to LISTEN to what he is saying to me and then CHOOSE whether I will act on it ( or not.)  Unfortunately on this occasion I have tried to work it out myself, I didn't trust what God was trying to say to me, I didn't trust that it was actually God, and if it was it wasn't right - he had got it wrong!!  AND YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT! 

However I was reminded recently about a few things - one of which was a 'response' that I used to give to girls who asked me 'advice' or just general questions while I was at Mercy - one that nearly every girl at my graduation spoke about and mentioned that I had said to them - STOP, PRAY AND LISTEN TO WHAT GOD IS SAYING TO YOU! So that's what I did ( eventually) I stopped, I prayed and I ACTUALLY listened to what God was trying to say to me. The thing that I had felt in my heart, yet chose to ignore because I didn't believe that was what I was supposed to be doing, was actually what God wanted me to do! It doesn't make much sense, and some people may think its me being lazy but It's time for me to stop and look after me, to take time out to grow and strengthen the relationship I have with God. To strengthen my 'vulnerable' walls. It is also time for me to take that step of faith and to share the amazing things God has done in my life with others. My testimony/life is not just for me any more, it could be the lifeline that somebody needs to hear, the drop of hope into someones hopelessness, the word that someone has been waiting for. I don't know who needs to hear it or what exactly needs to be heard but I DO KNOW that GOD will use it. I know that God gave me the gift of being an encourager to others and that's what I'm going to do. I know that God wants me to take time for just me and him, before i step into whatever he has for me just around the next corner. I have to TRUST that God is in control, that he sees he bigger picture. God has an amazing plan for my life and he knows how to get me there too.

 Doing 'nothing' may seem like I'm being lazy and other people may have an issue with it - but actually me 'doing nothing' is not being lazy at all - and in actual fact its taking a huge amount of prayer and effort for me to step into this next season. And I wont completely be doing nothing I have things to do, things I'm still involved in, serving others but at the end of the day what others think doesn't matter any more because its between me and God. I know that God wants me to start preaching at church - a huge step for me, and something I have been 'putting off' for most of the year ( but that's another post in itself!)  And I know that there are things God wants me to do in my future, some of which he has shown me others he will when its the right time but for now I'm ready to step into what God has for me now - and am excited to see what comes from it and where God takes me! 

SO Have you stopped, prayed and actually Listened recently! You never know you may hear something different!

Being Creative

There are times when going back to basics is a must, I find that we often over complicate things because 'simple' may not make sense, so we over think and try and explain it which then complicates it.  I used to , and at times still have to, make myself stop and just be with god. But there are also times I find that really hard - if my head is constantly on the go, if I'm having trouble concentrating.  Last year while at Mercy I found a few ways of helping - I used art and craft to be able to take my mind of whatever was going on, or whatever my mind was constantly thinking about and just focus on God. It often helped me to re focus a few things and just be reminded of the basics. 

I also found that it helped me just get things out, or to process something I was working through, I used it as a way of reminding myself of God's truth in a creative way.   I'm not very good at drawing, or playing musical instruments or singing but I am creative - OK so not all the time - sometimes I have to sit and make myself take time out and be creative - once I start I remember why I enjoy doing it. It also gives me something to do while listening to teachings/podcasts and stops my mind wondering off somewhere else. 

I've had a bit of a creative afternoon today, things were getting on top of me a little so I stopped and took some time to just be and got creative. Instead of my mind constantly going over and over things it turned to making a collage. I felt a lot calmer, chilled out - OK so it hasn't 'changed' anything in my circumstances but I shifted my focus for a while. 

You are Not Alone

There's a line in Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix where Harry is talking to Luna after bumping into her in the forbidden forest with the Thestrals. 
"Luna Lovegood: [about her father] We believe you, by the way. That He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, and you fought him, and the Ministry and the Prophet are conspiring against you and Dumbledore. 
Harry Potter: Thanks. Seems you're about the only ones that do.
Luna Lovegood: I don't think that's true. But I suppose that's how he wants you to feel. 
Harry Potter: What do you mean? 
Luna Lovegood: Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat. "
 (quotes from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0373889/quotes )
This quote often comes to mind ( the last line mostly) at times when I'm feeling alone or trying to do something in my own strength. It reminds me that we aren't meant to be alone. The enemy likes to get us to a place where we think we are on our own, it could be a tiny thought that you're alone, that God's left you, that there's no one to help. you may have lots of people around you yet still feel alone. The enemy knows that we are an army of God's warriors, 'alone we can't but together we CAN!' if he can make us think that we are on our own he knows that there's more chance that he can get to us. 

I know that times when I'm having an 'off' day the enemy always tries to sneak in there with 'theirs no-one to help you - you are on your own.' 'Where's God when you need him hey!' but over the last year or so I've learnt that actually God's still there its me that's stepped away, I may not have physically moved but within my relationship with God I have. It's a 'vulnerable' wall that I am working on, I am learning to trust that I'm not on my own, and just because there may not be someone with me does not mean I'm alone. 

After years of doing things on my own, and pushing people away - trying not to let people get close, believing that I was on my own, struggling to trust that people actually wanted to help me I now know that it wasn't true, The enemy used those small seeds of lies and he watered them but as it was all I had known i believed it to be true.  Replacing those lies for the truth took a while and I am still strengthening that area.

The last line of that quote may be from a story, but it's true! If the enemy can get us into that place he will and he will keep going, he comes to steal kill and destroy. The scriptures say that God will never leave nor forsake us - God's going nowhere.  If you are sat in a place where you feel alone, where you think no-one is there, even if you are surrounded by people stop and look at where you are with God - when did you take that step back. AND FIX IT. Don't give the enemy the power




Images sourced from Google images.

just moved house

Ok so i havent put a post up for ages, however there's a lot been going on including move into a house! I had forgotten how stressful moving house can get, you would think by now having moved about 9 times that i would be aware of this. But no! Well to be fair I was there was just added things that happened to make this move way more stressful than any other move I can remember.
But its done and I'm now in the house, and things fell into place, I just panicked when it all looked like it wasn't going to happen. but it did. And my house doesn't look too much like a dumping ground ( well apart from one room anyway!) I don't have to rush anything I can take my time ( although I really want it done!) and make this house my home. I can do what I want with it ( well within reason anyway.) 
It's my new start, a new page, kinda like a blank canvas. My old flat was for the most part somewhere where I just survived. I had no motivation to do anything with it - it just was! It was somewhere I locked myself away from the world, it was a place that i took no pride in so I just let it be - i didn't care what happened there. It became somewhere i hated being yet couldn't leave somewhere I tried to run from. 

But this house IS going to be different, its my space, I'm going to fill it with peace, smiles laughter and fun, make it somewhere that is a home and not just a house. The house itself has always been a part of my life but now its my turn to make it my place. when i first moved in before I had even started unpacking I prayed through the house, I brought God into it. I declared life and goodness over the house - I am determined to keep it that way! I prayed for peace to fill every room from floor to ceiling, and I can feel it.  OK so there's been the odd nights where i have been a bit freaked out by random noises and creaking floors/walls ( and new neighbours moving furniture and hoovering at like 2am!!) convinced there was somebody in the house - but over all I have felt settled.  
It's weird how a change of environment can effect things. I guess liking where your living and things feeling settled and comfortable has a big effect on other things.  It's exciting, slightly overwhelming at times but it's all good. 

 Not my pictures - sourced from Google images

You Are More!

Last year while I was at Mercy ( A Christian residential programme) I was introduced to Tenth Avenue North - A Christian band. I remember sitting in one of the Staff's car on the way to the doctors and a song called You Are More came on, I had never heard it before, but wow! I sat there thinking that's me!! they are singing about me! I was hooked. The song talks about being more than the choices that you have made, that its not about my past, or what i have done or had done to me but its about what God has done for me and about who i am becoming.
That song became an anthem for a season of my life, but you know what it fits any time. even now it still reminds me that the choices I have made do not define who i am!! 

Sometimes we make bad choices, but that doesn't mean we've messed up, or failed or that we are bad.  It's a mistake and we learn from it and move on. It sounds easy right!!!!   Its not always easy BUT it is DOABLE! sitting and dwelling on the bad choice is going to leave you stuck and in a place of pain and self pity. You cant change it, but you CAN learn from it! 

Making a bad choice doesn't mean that's it, its shows me I've still got things to work on and that's ok because I am still on a journey I'm not at my destination yet so there will still be bumps and bends to overcome. I AM NOT PERFECT but that's ok.

There's a girl in the corner

With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide
She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"
But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight
She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try
But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.
( You Are More Lyrics)

Keep going

This past week I have spent some time processing a lot of stuff, realising a few things and working on 'what next'.   This meant being honest with where I am at, not trying to figure it all out on my own, allowing those around me to help and support.  sometimes admitting where you are actually at feels like a huge step but once you've done it its a huge relief and its probably not as bad as you thought it was going to be. And even just saying it helps kind of makes things seem less big and overwhelming.
But you know what i did find out, having a 'rough' day is NORMAL!!!!!!!  its OK, it doesn't mean you've messed up or failed or anything like that. Everyone has them.  It is how you deal with it and come out of it that matters.   
When you have spent most of your life simply surviving, knowing what is normal when you actually living is hard.  But that;s where talking to people comes in, because something that may seem huge and awful could actually be 'normal' and ok.  

I did realise that life can sometimes take over, if you let it, and can cloud what is actually on your heart, your dreams and visions.  A seed wont grow if its is not cared for, watered and fed. Even if it is planted in fertile soil without food it wont grow.  That's the same with a vision/dream once its planted in your heart it its not going to grow until you start feeding and caring for it. 
There was a time, not so long ago, where I had all these things i 'wanted' to do, but I slowly felt them go quite. why because I wasn't feeding it.  there's so much in my heart that i want to do but all the 'what ifs' and 'hows' crept in and got bigger/louder than the dream.

 But now is my change to change that and start feeding and caring for what's in my heart. who knows where it will take me, but that's OK because I'm ready for the adventure. the next part of my journey. Yeah there may be bumps along the way, but i am more than capable to handle them, I have a BIG God on my side who is greater than anything that is thrown at me. I have awesome people around me and I am FREE!!! 

I was asked last week - What are you contemplating on doing but talking your self out of!  It made me think about what I want to do, but I'm finding excuses not to do!  God opened a big door for me, he gave me a second chance, now its my time to LIVE it!!

Not my photos - sourced by Google images

I am OK

Saying i am OK, may not seem like anything major to some people.  But right now it is to me. 'I'm OK' used to be something i would say just because i didn't want people knowing otherwise. It was said to stop questions, it was said to fool people, and if I said it enough times I nearly believed it.  I'm OK often meant i had planned something and so that's OK, or when other heard it they sore it as - its OK she's still here!

Although I had people around me who knew that those words actually meant nothing and were just said I still said them. Only a few would keep asking and see past it, others would just hug me and say one day you will be.  

I never ever believed i would actually say the words I'm OK and they be true. I never thought i would say, yeah actually I'm doing good and mean them. I could not see it ever happening. 

But over the last week i have seen a lot of people that I've not seen for a while, and been asked the 'How you doing/Hows things?' questions, to which I have responded 'yeah I am OK, things are good, I'm doing well,'

The difference between when i used to say those words, and when i am saying the now, is that now they ARE TRUE! I AM OK! i know now that its OK not to be OK, but actually right now i am doing OK.  

I can say it and mean it and even have a smile on my face too.  Looking back at when i just used to say it i never actually believed i would be OK, where as now i know things can only get better, yes there will be time when things may be hard but I'll still be OK.  

I AM OK!

not my own images

Challenged

The last few days I have been trying to write my testimony, I have been challenged to look at where I am currently at and where I am heading. When I sit and look at where I have come from at times I am still awestruck at the amazing transformation that God has done in my life.  Yet I know that I still have a journey ahead of me.

Its hard to keep to my word limit as there's so much that I want to say.  How to bring across the complete joy i now have and healing that has happened.  For those that know me, and see me on a day-to-day that restoration doesn't need to be explained because they see it, but to those who don't know me and may be reading it from place of hurt it may seem like an impossibility. I know because i remember doing just that - reading other girls testimonies, stories of hope and freedom and never being able to see it, not accepting that it could happen to me, maybe slightly doubting that it was true. 

 Now i am on the other side of that and I'm living it. My life is changed, I walk out my freedom every single day. That doesn't mean everything is rosy and fine now - far from it. Life still throws things at me - life still goes on, but how I deal with things has changed. I am not the same girl I was a year ago. I am no longer a victim to my past, I can't change it - BUT I CAN AND I DID CHANGE MY FUTURE! 

I've looked back over the last year and I've seen a miracle, things that I never ever believed would happen happened. But i know that it doesn't stop here, I have a future ahead of me now  - a future i actually want to be a part of! 

People used to say to me that the things i had been through, one day, would help other. I just used to nod and agree yet inside would be screaming. But it is so true when they say 'your test becomes you testimony - and your testimony may indeed change someones life!'   I wouldn't wish my life on any one, but I am so so aware that there are too many people out there who know and are still feeling how i felt and are where I was at.  If I can even plant a seed into their life and show them things can be different then its all been worth it!  You can't argue with a changed life. 

I'm still learning how to walk in my freedom, and some times I do stumble, but I know that's OK as long as I get back up again, forgive myself and I carry on. I am learning to love myself for who i am, living the life that god has planned for me. I know that God has placed things on my heart, but i know that right now is the time for me to life and enjoy being alive - And if along the way i can bring love and joy to someone just by being myself then that's even better!!

not by photo's - sourced by Google images

I'm Not Perfect

I'm glad I'm not perfect - why?? well it would be really hard trying to perfect being perfect every day, I'm sure it would get very very tiring and i can imagine it would be very lonely.  I like living in a world where perfect does not exist, where just being myself is accepted,doing things to the best of my ability is what is asked of me.  Perfect is not needed - it is to high a bar to reach, once you think you have reached it the bar suddenly goes higher.  

Really, striving for perfection only brings feelings of imperfection, feelings of inadequacy and failure.  Nobody is perfect, they may think they are but really what is perfection. a person who thinks they are perfect through their own eyes may be the complete opposite in somebody else's.

What is wrong with just being who you are? Accepting you for you, not aiming to meet other peoples expectations, or trying to be someone/something you are not. Nobody wants you to be different, just being yourself is enough.  

Your probably reading this thinking, how do you know.  Well i do - i haven't always been where i am now.  I haven't always accepted me for who i am. I've been to places so dark i lost sight of everything - just because i though it would make me 'better' and to make out actually I'm fine there's not problem here!!! But it got me no where other than back in my own pit!  I was always striving for something different to please someone else. My 'bar' changed for whoever i was around, even those that knew me and just accepted me i tried to change for.  


When you get to a place where you accept where you are at, and who you are life gets so much easier. 

The enemy wants you to keep looking for perfection because he knows you can't reach it, this schemes seem achievable but then it changes once you get close to it.  he lures you into that trap and goes deeper and deeper until it feels almost impossible to get out.

BUT the good news is you can get out, there is a way to stop striving for perfection - its not always easy but it takes courage.

 My life changed to day i stopped concentrating on what i wasn't, and who i thought i was, who everyone else wanted me to be and stopped and focused on who God says i am.  To him i AM perfect - but i don't need to do anything other than accept him to be perfect.  i don't have to be the right weight, look the right way, get the right grades, go to the right school, live in the right neighbourhood i just have to be me!! That's it!!!!!

All he wants is for me to accept that he loves me I am loved 
and accepted just for who i am!! to God i have no flaws!!!

Here we go!

Living free is so much better than surviving as a captive! Mind you living generally is better than simply surviving.

God set me free, he healed my hurts he gave me beauty for ashes.

I forgave those who had hurt me and I accepted that i was forgiven, completely!!

Now today i am learning to live my life as a loved daughter.  ~Yes my past happened, but God's using it to his glory.  The enemy used it to harm me.  I don't need to dwell on it or be a victim of it.  I've learnt to renew my mind, to make healthy choices and to trust God.

So what does living free look like;

  It looks like me being happy, enjoying things;

its believing truth over lies, its doing the things I've never been able to do before, its being able to eat without feeling guilty, its looking at my scars and not seeing pain but freedom. 

 Its knowing that greater things are yet to come, its believing in my destiny - that i have a purpose.

 Today I know that i am loved, I am worth it and I am beautiful just the way i am!!

And that nothing - nope nothing at all - not even death can separate me from the love of MY GOD!!!!

Because that's who he is - LOVE

The above photos are not my own